Tidak Jadi Menikah Hari Ini
MENIKAH hari ini, sih, mestinya. Tanggal 20 Mei 2020, pukul 14.00 AEST atau sekitar pukul 12.00 WITA. Sudah sesuai tanggal yang dibahas sejak 2019; tanggal yang diajukan ke Births, Deaths, Marriages (BDM) Victoria–semacam kantor Catatan Sipil di sana; tanggal yang akhirnya ditulis di kertas undangan pengumuman digital dan disebarkan lewat media sosial di awal Maret kemarin.
Hanya saja … begitulah. Australia masih ditutup sampai hari ini, terutama untuk warga asing. Kami pun masih berada di kota masing-masing, dan pernikahan terpaksa ditunda setidaknya hingga beberapa bulan ke depan.
Entah bakal seperti apa nantinya, yang jelas akan jauh lebih minimalis dan benar-benar mempertimbangkan aspek keselamatan. Sayangnya pilihan peresmian pernikahan jarak jauh belum tersedia, kami terpaksa harus menikmati status lajang lebih lama.
Menyebalkan? Pastinya.
Setelah sama-sama sepakat berani meneruskan hubungan ke tingkat komitmen berikutnya, semua persiapan kami cicil sendiri satu demi satu. Sebut saja metode pencatatannya, aspek-aspek legalitas dan administrasinya, pemeriksaan kesehatan serta aspek perjanjian pranikah, cincin pernikahan, proses lamaran dan pertunangan sekaligus liburan, biaya dan untuk apa saja biaya tersebut seharusnya digunakan, hingga persoalan bagaimana kami melobi orang tua masing-masing agar segalanya bisa berjalan sesuai rencana versi kami yang #nikahtanparesepsi lantaran pakai uang sendiri (kecuali dikasih hadiah 😄).
Pada akhir Maret barulah kami mulai bisa menerima keadaan, gusar sewajarnya, meski tetap tercabik-cabik rindu dan khawatir. Kami urus semua pengembalian dana yang memungkinkan. Untuk yang tidak bisa, kami atur ulang tanggalnya. Syukurnya hampir semua sudah kembali, kecuali tiket Jakarta ke Melbourne dari AirAsia yang permintaan pengembalian dalam bentuk kreditnya sudah disampaikan sejak 2 April tempo hari. Soalnya, kalau sudah begini mending penerbangan langsung saja walaupun selisihnya bisa sampai Rp2 jutaan, daripada singgah-singgah dan berkumpul dengan ribuan orang. Biar kredit penerbangannya nanti dipakai untuk jalan-jalan, atau liburan sekalian setelah pandemi reda.
Di titik ini, meminjam narasi Mas Roy dari tulisan teranyarnya di Linimasa: “Terima kasih Corona” kami bisa memiliki pengalaman dan excitement menjelang pernikahan agak berbeda dibanding kebanyakan orang. Dalam senyap, saya merasa agak berbahagia. Sebab penantian yang dipanjangkan keadaan bisa membuat sesuatu menjadi lebih idaman, lebih dieman-eman, sesuatu yang nantinya akan dijaga erat-erat, bukan untuk diremehkan. Kami juga turut bergembira kepada para pasangan yang tetap bisa melangsungkan pernikahan walau dalam segala keterbatasannya. Semoga selalu berbahagia.
Karena situasi ini pula, saya (kami) belajar bersabar untuk ihwal yang berbeda dari biasanya. Sehingga tatkala menghadapi masalah bersama, kami bisa sama-sama saling menguatkan; “Masalah begini doang kok susah?”
Sementara di sisi lain, “terima kasih Corona” juga, saya berkesempatan untuk mengenal, bergaul, dan memahami calon mertua lebih dalam. Untungnya, mereka tidak seperti contoh yang ditulis Mas Roy, kendati tes-tes calon menantu itu, tampaknya, tetap ada, serta bisa diatasi dengan baik. 😝
Namun, tetap saja, tidak “terima kasih Corona” karena kemungkinan setelah new normal berlaku, saya harus tiba di Melbourne 14 hari sebelum tanggal pernikahan untuk menjalani karantina mandiri. Begitu pula sepulangnya ke Indonesia, harus kembali mengisolasi diri sebelum bisa berkegiatan lagi.
Tidak “terima kasih Corona”, karena kemungkinan besar nanti pernikahan kami tidak akan dihadiri orang tua kedua belah pihak demi memastikan kesehatan kelompok usia rentan. Ya, tidak apa-apa juga, yang penting setelah menikah kami tetap menjadi anak mereka, kami tetap berusaha memerhatikan, merawat, dan menjaga mereka. Biarlah urusan sentimental dan seremonial di hadapan petugas pernikahan tanpa perlu risiko tambahan.
Terakhir, “terima kasih Corona” karena sekali lagi membuktikan bahwa rencana dan pertimbangan awal kami soal menikah di Australia masih jauh lebih efektif dan efisien dibanding mengurus pernikahan di dalam negeri, yang sedemikian jumpalitan.
Pertama, kami berbeda agama. Kantor Catatan Sipil sejauh ini hanya bersedia mencatatkan pernikahan yang disahkan tempat ibadah atau lembaga keagamaan.
Okelah, pernikahan beda agama bisa diatur. Sayangnya, kedua, kami adalah penduduk beda provinsi. Saya pemegang KTP Samarinda, tinggal di Jakarta. Dia pemegang KTP Jakarta Utara, tinggal di Melbourne. Biarpun ada teman SMA yang menjadi lurah di alamat rumah Samarinda, kami sebagai calon pengantin harus tetap mengurus dokumen N1 sampai N4 untuk surat keterangan ingin menikah. Prosesnya otomatis dari surat pengantar Ketua RT sampai seterusnya. Kami harus pulang ke kota masing-masing untuk mengurusnya, dan tak cukup sehari.
“Kenapa tidak pindah domisili saja?” Prosedur dasarnya relatif sama, dan sejujurnya, sejak awal pindah saya tidak yakin apakah bakal menetap di Jakarta selamanya, sedangkan orang tua masih di Samarinda. Nasib orang siapa yang tahu?
Kabarnya, pernikahan beda agama juga bisa difasilitasi di Yogyakarta atau beberapa wilayah di Jakarta, bahkan di Bali. Balik lagi, tetap saja memerlukan proses administrasi dan surat-surat berjenjang. Kami melihat pernikahan dari sudut pandang pragmatis, dan prosedur yang relatif panjang tadi dicoret dari pilihan.
“Memangnya bisa menikah begitu saja di Australia?” Ya … kalau tidak ada Corona, mestinya itu yang saya jalani nanti siang pukul 14.00 waktu setempat atau pukul 17.00 Wib. Bukan pemegang status Permanent Resident (PR) sekalipun, cukup hanya dengan mendaftar secara daring, melengkapinya dengan tanda tangan pihak berwenang, dan membayar tarif sebesar sekitar Upah Minimum Kabupaten (UMK) Karawang. Cukup worth it, lah, selayaknya menyewa gedung bersejarah di Melbourne sebagai lokasi menikah. Instagrammable pastinya, jika itu kamu anggap penting banget.
Baiklah. Semoga kurvanya segera melandai, new normal juga enggak susah-susah amat, dan kita semua selalu sehat, memiliki keleluasaan, sehingga apa pun yang terjadi ke depannya, tetap bisa kita hadapi dengan baik.
Oh, ya, satu lagi, semoga setelah dua bulan lebih #dirumahaja (baca: Menggendut bersama-sama), pakaian yang sudah kami persiapkan tetap terlihat pantas dan indah dikenakan. 🙈
Untuk kamu-kamu yang mengalami nasib serupa, tetap semangat sampai waktunya, ya.
Tunggu sebentaaar lagi…
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(Not) Getting married (yet)
WE are suppossedly getting married today. On the 20th of May, 2020 at 2.00 PM AEST. It’s the date that we agreed on since last year; the date that we applied for Marriage Registration with Births, Deaths, and Marriages (BDM) Victoria; the date that we put on digital announcement and/or invitation, and was posted through our social media few months ago.
That said… well. Australian border is still closed to any overseas traveller. We are also still in separate locations, different continents and all, and the wedding needs to be postponed for at least the next few months.
Who knows how it will look like on the rescheduled date, but for sure we are going to make it even smaller scale, and consider the safety aspect thoroughly. Unfortunately we still do not have the option of a remote wedding, so that we are forced to enjoy being unmarried a little bit longer.
Sucks? Duh.
After agreeing to take a bold step of progressing our commitment, little by little, we prepared what was needed. Like how are we going to register our marriage, the legality and the administration, pre-marital health check-up and prenuptial agreement, wedding ring, proposal and engagement process (and a short holiday included), budgeting and costs that we need to have, to how we convinced our parents so that everything goes according to our plan–we didn’t want a massive reception since we are funding the wedding ourselves.
Around end of March we finally had to accept the fact that things may not go according to the original arrangement, annoyed (accordingly), while fighting our longing and constant worry with how the situation unfold. We arranged for refunds where possible. Where it is not possible, we reschedule the dates. Luckily, we were able to get most of it, aside from a return ticket with AirAsia for Jakarta to Melboure for me. I’ve been asking for a credit refund since 2 April but no essential response, and the credit hasn’t hit my account just yet. After reconsidering, I might as well just arrange a direct flight for the latter date even though it might be costly, instead of opening up opportunities to meeting thousands of people during transit. Maybe we will use the credit for holiday someday, once the pandemic subsided.
At this point, using the narrative of “Thanks Corona” we can have experience and excitement that is quite not mainstream on facing our marriage.
I felt slightly happier. Because all this waiting and prolonged expectation we are imposed to can make what is expected to be more treasured and more valuable, not something to be trifled with. We are also happy for those who can still proceed with their wedding even with all the limitation.
Because of this situation, I (we) learned to be patient in a different circumstances. So that when we deal with challenges down the road, we can strengthen each other; “This is not that hard.”
On the other hand, also “thanks Corona” for getting to know, hanging out and understanding my future in laws more intensely. Fortunately, any ‘tests’ or questions they may have posed to their future son-in-law were still manageable.
But still, no “thanks Corona” because once we have this new normal protocol, it is possible that I needed to arrive in Melbourne 14 days before the intended marriage registration date to self-quarantine. As well as when I come back to Indonesia; might need to self-isolate again before returning to life as we will know it then.
No “thanks Corona”, because it might be the case that our wedding would not be attended by our parents, since we need to ensure their health comes first. Well, that’s okay; it’s more important that even after the wedding we are still their kids, we still care and take care of them. Let this sentimental and ceremonial moment in front of the marriage celebrant be less risky.
Lastly, “thanks Corona” because it has proven again that our original plan and consideration about getting married in Australia is still more effective and efficient compared to getting married in Indonesia, which is very cumbersome.
First, we belong to different religions. Indonesian law rigidly, or by how they interpret it, does not facilitate interfaith marriage.
Sure, we might be able to maneuver around it. But then comes another problem that we originated in different parts of the country, which requires us to arrange the administration documents in our hometowns. We needed to go back to our hometowns and this is not a one-day process, and it needed to be submitted a month before the intended day.
“Why don’t you just change your place of residence?” the basic procedure is pretty similar, and to be honest, I am not quite sure if I want to permanently move out of my hometown since my parents are there. Who knows what comes next?
Rumor has it that different religion marriage can be facilitated in Jogjakarta or some areas in Jakarta, or even Bali. Again, there are quite a lengthy preparation for the administration process and documents that my counterpart can’t be bothered to go through, we see this wedding from a pragmatic point of view, and these relatively long process are not in line with our views.
“Can you really get married that easily in Australia?” Yes… if only there is no Corona, the plan was at 2PM local time to simply register our marriage. Even for a non-resident, one only need to register online and signed it in front of a relevant authority, and pay some amount of money. It’s pretty worth it, since we were going to register our marriage in a historic building in Melbourne. It’s also Instagrammable, if that’s your groove.
Hopefully the curves flatten soon, the new normal not too troublesome, and we are all always healthy, have flexibility so that whatever comes next, we can adjust and deal with it accordingly.
On the side note, we also hope that after 2 months of staying at home (self-fattening), the attire we have prepared can still look good on us.
For those of you who is going through the same circumstances, keep the spirit until the right time comes.
Just hang on a little bit longer.
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